Published: August 01, 2008 12:15 pm            

The Back Porch: As wedding nears, everything’s swell — and swollen

Originally published in the July 25, 2008, print edition.

Two weeks before the wedding of our oldest daughter Elizabeth and her fiancé, Mark, and our family is doing swell. Just swell. Or should I say just swollen?

Thursday night Mark walked through our home’s front door with a single rose. The rose was not the suspicious part of the picture. Roses have been a regular part of Elizabeth’s life since their first date four and a half years ago. The cause for concern was where he strategically placed the rose — holding it up over his left eye.

“What’s up, Mark?” Elizabeth asked.

Mark lowered it and Elizabeth gasped. His left eye was purple and dark blue; his eyelid swollen shut. A tattoo artist couldn’t have done a better job etching the softball’s stitching into the side of his cheek.

“Mark!” Elizabeth said. “What happened?”

He replayed the details of how the softball connected with his face.

“Can you see?” she asked.

“No problem,” he said, pulling the bottom of his eyelid down so he could see out of it.

“The wedding is in two weeks!” she said, as if we hadn’t already done the math.

“Two weeks and a day,” he corrected. “No problem. It’ll be good by then.”

Swell, Mark. Just swell.

The next morning I brought Stephanie in to the oral surgeon to have her wisdom teeth pulled. The following day Bryent called to see if she wanted to go to a rodeo that evening.

“I’d love to go,” Stephanie said, “but my cheeks are swollen up like a gopher.”

Bryent must have told her it couldn’t be that bad because this was her response: I’m not kidding, Bryent. If you saw me right now you’d tell me to go back underground with all my other gopher friends.

Swell, Stephanie. Just swell.

There’s another swelling going on over here that doesn’t demand ibuprofen or ice packs. It’s my heart. Last month family, friends and neighbors overwhelmingly blessed our children with their presence and gifts at Stephanie’s gradation party and Elizabeth’s bridal shower. As the wedding day approaches, again we’re being blessed with well wishes, gifts and generous offers to help in anyway needed. Some may say that their cup runneth over. For me my heart swelleth until the point of bursting as we experience the blessings of community.

Graduations, family reunions, anniversary open houses, surprise birthday parties and weddings all provide opportunities for people to gather as a community to celebrate, congratulate and bless others.

When middle daughter Stephanie graduated from high school at the end of May, Mike Bonnema, the featured speaker, gave specific instructions on how to congratulate the graduates that evening. When you shake their hand or give them a hug, don’t stop at “Congratulations!” or “I wish you well!” Give them a word of encouragement and God’s blessing.

He then offered examples, encouraging those gathered in that place to bless these grads with things that are specific to their gift mix. God bless you with creativity that colors the world. May God bless you in the medical field so you can bring hope and healing to the dying. God bless you with opportunities to love and encourage others.

At 1:30 a.m., Mr. Wassenaar, one of our last guests and a treasured teacher in Stephanie’s life stood and faced Stephanie with these departing words. “Stephanie, we were encouraged to give each graduate a blessing and here is mine to you.” His eyes were moist, he took a deep breath and said, “May the Lord always break your heart for the things that break His heart.”

Stephanie touched her heart and said, “I receive that blessing.” She then gave Mr. W. a mammoth hug of thanks for shining a God-sized dream on her life.

Every community contains children and parents, co-workers and volunteers, family, friends and strangers who need a word of encouragement or blessing. You can spend a lifetime trying to convince yourself that you are independent, that you are self-sufficient, that you can do life on your own, but the truth of the matter is that we need each other in the best of times, the worst of times and all the times in between.

In the early 1800s, William Wilberforce led a 20-year fight to end the British slave trade. It took him — count them out — 20 years. Can you imagine being defeated session after session in Parliament and dedicating your life to what must have seemed a hopeless battle, before you saw success and the wrong made right?

How did he do it? Why didn’t he quit after five years, 10 years, or 19 years? In part, it was because he banded together with a community of people who shared his passion that slavery must be abolished. Wilberforce surrounded himself with people that “stirred each other up to love and good works” (John Piper).

That’s community at its finest — having a handful of people in your life who will stir you up to love and good works, who are present in life’s hardest times with a listening ear and a helping hand, and who celebrate life’s best times with words of congratulations and a special blessing.

These are the people who make hearts swell.

        

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